Going to an event when your default setting is anxiety is a different exercise to going to one when it is not. The bit that other people enjoy, the build-up, is mostly the part you spend bracing for. This guide is for people who want to keep going to gigs, plays, comedy nights, and football matches, and who would rather not white-knuckle their way through every one of them.
Match the event to your bandwidth
The single biggest factor in whether you have a good night is whether the event you picked actually suits you. The label "going out" hides a huge range. A 200-capacity acoustic gig in a converted chapel is closer to going to the cinema than it is to a 20,000-seat arena show. Both are listed as gigs.
Some heuristics that help:
- Seated beats standing if queue anxiety is the trigger. With a seat, you know the geometry of your evening before you arrive.
- Daytime beats evening if dark winter nights add to your stress. Daytime events end while you still have energy to get home.
- Smaller beats bigger if crowd density is the trigger. A 300-cap room will not have a crush, and the queue is over in minutes.
- Acoustic, jazz, classical, and folk tend to attract calmer audiences than headline pop and dance shows. Comedy varies wildly.
- Matinees at theatres are usually less crowded than evening performances, and the audience demographic skews older and quieter.
Pre-trip checklist
The things that derail an evening are mostly small and avoidable. A 10-minute prep on the morning of the event handles most of them.
- Screenshot the ticket. Reception in venue queues is variable, and waiting for a QR to load while six people behind you sigh is its own special hell.
- Map the route both ways. Know which station you are coming back from and what the last train is. Anxiety tolerates a 20-minute wait better than uncertainty about whether the train exists.
- Check the venue's accessibility page. Most decent venues now publish a relaxed-performance policy, a sensory pack, or at minimum the location of the quiet area. If they have one, use it.
- Eat. Low blood sugar mimics anxiety symptoms closely enough that you cannot tell them apart in real time.
- Bring earplugs. Loop, Alpine, and Vibes all do filter plugs that take the edge off without making everything muffled. They cost 20 pounds and turn loud venues into manageable ones.
The walk-out plan
The most useful single thing you can do for event anxiety is decide, in advance, what your exit looks like. Knowing you can leave makes you less likely to need to.
A workable walk-out plan has three parts. First, the trigger: what would have to happen for you to leave (panic symptoms, sensory overload, a friend not showing up, a queue longer than X). Second, the route: which exit, where the nearest seat is on the way to the exit, where you can sit for 10 minutes outside without being approached. Third, the message: a one-line text to the friend you came with so they do not spend the night looking for you.
Tell the person you came with about the plan before the event starts. Not in detail, just "if I disappear, I'm fine, I'll text you." That removes the social cost of leaving, which is what stops most anxious people from doing it when they should.
Sensory-friendly events and accommodations
A growing number of UK venues run "relaxed" performances or sensory-friendly screenings. The rules vary but typically: house lights stay up slightly, sound levels are reduced, audiences can come and go, and there is a designated quiet area. Cinemas with autism-friendly screenings often run them on a Sunday morning. Theatres run relaxed performances of major productions a few times per run. The big touring shows have started doing them too.
If a venue does not advertise a sensory-friendly version of an event you want to go to, it is worth emailing the box office. They can often offer an aisle seat near an exit, or arrange for you to enter before the general crowd. Most box office staff are happy to help if you ask politely a few days in advance.
Going alone, going with someone, going with a parachute friend
There are three ways to go to an event, and each has a different anxiety profile.
Alone. Easier than it sounds. No social performance overhead, no negotiating about when to leave, you set your own pace. The catch is the half-hour before doors open, when you are sitting on a wall outside watching pairs and groups arrive. A book or a podcast handles that.
With a friend who is also anxious. Surprisingly hard. Two anxious brains in proximity tend to amplify each other. If both of you are nervous, a third person who is calm in crowds takes the edge off both.
With a "parachute" friend. Someone who does not mind crowds, queues, or last-minute changes of plan. A parachute friend will, when you are wavering at the door, just walk in. That cracks the inertia. They are worth their weight in gold and you should treat them well.
Going to events with anxiety is a skill, like cooking or driving. The first few are awkward and you make mistakes. The tenth is a lot easier than the first. The trick is to keep going, in small doses, with a plan that lets you leave.
